FAIL Blog, have I got a submission for you.

Yesterday, TBID emailed me excitedly about an amazing new product targeted to people who are both lazy and health-conscious. Batter Blaster, is a pressurized can of pancake/waffle batter that you simply spray onto a griddle or pan.

Forget the name that's at the very least, hard to say, and at the very worst, kind of pornographic. TBID and I occasionally like pancakes, and it just sounded fun and easy to use.

He went to Whole Foods to apprehend some Batter Blaster; I got my pan and spatula out. We even pondered getting some fruit to add to the batter, but decided to make traditional flapjacks.

Well, traditional in someone else's household maybe. Not mine, where pancakes are edible. The batter sprayed out of the can easily and cooked very quickly, but the pancakes ended up well done in a very bad way.

Observe:

TBID blamed my cheap pan first. Then he blamed a dearth of cooking oil. Finally, fingers were pointed at the plastic spatula, which he said made it too difficult to flip the pancakes. "Is this your only spatula?" he asked. "No," I said. "But the nice one's for company. Of course this is my one spatula!"

Four unsuccessful blackened-pieces-of-bread-we-called-pancakes later, brunch was served. I ate a few bites of the one pancake that turned out light enough. It had this odd lemony flavor. TBID ate the dark ones and tried to say they were good before admitting the experiment was a bust.

I told him he should've just let me squirt a batter bra on his chest and then leaned over the stovetop. Maybe next time he'll listen.