The 1 train, which could connect me to the 2/3 train and get me home, isn't running. I realize I will have to go to another train station nine blocks away or just walk home. It is almost 10 p.m., and I feel like hunger is drilling holes into my brain.

So I call my mom.

Me: I'm exhausted and starving and the 1 train isn't working, so now I'm walking home. I think I'm just gonna order a pizza...

Mama: You should do that.

Me: But what if the delivery guy gets to my apartment before I do? Maybe I should just go to the store and wait for the pizza. Maybe I could convince the guy to give me a ride to my place on his bike.

Mama: [much laughter]

Me: No, I'm serious.