My hometown made national news today.

Best response from someone forwarded the breaking news story, someone from a town where stuff actually happens:

"That's so strange and fragrant. An old co-worker from Nowhere, Maine used to show us clippings from the police blotter there. This was not the strange happenings section, it was the actual police blotter and the stuff was 'in' of this world. Like 'Man bought a candy bar and left hastily without even saying goodbye.' Or 'Lost dog found, but the man liked the dog and didn't want to give him back.'"