Sometimes I wish Cade were more Jewish.

His dad is non-practicing; his mom's a Buddhist. That's interesting, I guess. Still. I want to know the mysteries of the yarmulke. How does it stay on without clips or bobby pins? (I don't like when guys wear clips or bobby pins I can see. It's just wrong, and makes the yarmulke look like something faddy from Wet Seal).

I started wondering Saturday night when Cade and I saw Matisyahu in concert. Matisyahu is an Orthodox Jewish reggae/hip hop artist. I hadn't heard of him until I was being driven around Pennsylvania a couple visits back. I think he sounds like the late Bradley Nowell of Sublime, which is a compliment, in my opinion. The hat, beard, and curls sooo don't prevent Matisyahu from rocking out. (Neither did the fact that it's Hannukah - he lit the menorah during the concert). He did have to put his hand over his yarmulke when engaged in some of said rocking out, though. Meanwhile, Jewish teenagers in front of me were crowd-surfing and gyrating against random booties with no worries. Being a taller shiksa, I checked for signs of clippage and found none. Perplexing. Is there some kind of adhesive, Semite cement or something, that the Jewish guys use?

*On a related note, is it okay to dry hump strangers during Hannukah?

I asked Cade, self-deprecating half-Jew that he is, how the yarmulkes could stay on without sliding off. They're not even dense enough to fit the curve of one's cranium. "Silly, Mandy," he replied. "Jewish hair is like velcro." If his head is in any way representative of that of the chosen people, I'd have to agree.

Oy vei. I think my desire to have a more Jewish boyfriend comes from a few places, namely my own state of white bastardhood, love of Annie Hall and Judy Blume, and For Your Consideration. I saw FYC Friday night, and really enjoyed it. I loved the Yiddishisms, the casting, and the ridiculous movie-within-a-movie Home for Purim. I only wish I knew what the hell Purim is exactly. Or that Cade did and could have told me in a whisper, bringing his yarmulked head to my goy ear.

Okay. Perhaps Cade doesn't have to convert. Maybe I'd be happy with a mere yarmulke. A nice woven one, nothing that looks like a baseball. (Yes, those do exist). Cade could wear it around my apartment for starters, and gradually get comfortable wearing it on runs to the video store and Subway. This is the first time I'm mentioning it, and I don't expect him to go along with my idea. Maybe with time, though... Until then, I'll have to settle for just playing with his dreidel.