My lunch generally consists of a small fruit salad from the fruit stand. I eat a few nuts or dried cranberries at my desk during the day, too, but that's it. This routine keeps me from going hungry while avoiding a food coma, which I used to get when I ate a heavier midday meal.

Sometimes, though, fruit alone doesn't cut it. Today my lunch partner, Mike, brown-bagged ravioli from home. Then Jim brought in some pad tai. I was craving something salty and well, junky. So I ate my fruit in the park and then bought a bag of Doritos to eat at my desk.

There was a nice long stretch when I didn't eat Doritos for a while. I call that period "Pre-Enlightenment". Now I'm past it. When I want to reward myself with artificial colors and flavors, I reach for the 99 cent bag.

Because I'm a pre-teen caught in a cranky 25-year-old body, I spend my days sitting in my Herman Miller chair in a variety of positions, like a less fun, fully clothed workplace Kama Sutra. I keep my feet on the ground when I first get to the office, but I've got my legs crossed underneath me before noon.

I multi-tasked after lunch, munching on the tasty triangles while researching some companies I'd like to interview. I was so into it, I nearly choked at one point. Wouldn't that be the worst - requiring the Heimlich or worse, CPR, when you've got nacho cheese breath?

Once I finished the bag, I got down to business without distractions. When I got up momentarily and returned to my seat, I felt a sudden stabbing pain at the back of my thigh, at the part where the cellulite will appear someday whether I stop eating chips or not.

Instinctively, I jumped up and felt for the wound.

There was a bump under my jeans. The dagger was in my clothes, in a pair of my tighter jeans. My apologies - that's not intended to sound like a Penthouse Forum letter.

As modestly as possible, I started to shimmy to work the sharp object away from my bare skin.

That's when the Dorito fell out of my pants.

I don't know how it got in there. I certainly wasn't saving it for later.

Then another slid out.

I'm thinking I'll stick to fruit for awhile.