So you want to be in Teach for America?

I did, too. After seeing a promotional video for the program my freshman year of college, I was sold. I planned to apply at the earlier deadline and rank New York as my top placement choice.

One of the reasons I wanted to be in Teach for America was that I was already teaching and loving it. Along with my English degree, I was working towards teacher certification in a special program at my university. I had all the knowledge of an English major and all the pedagogical training (and even more experience) than an Education major. "Hello, my name is Great Asset to TFA."

And I was. I planned on teaching for two years after graduating to figure out what to do next, so Teach for America's commitment was perfect for me. Of course, I could teach on my own, but being part of such a prestigious program might give me even better training. I did the initial online application, got a package telling me to prepare a five minute sample lesson, bought a suit, and knocked 'em dead on the day-long interview.

The acceptance letters and emails started coming in. I was placed in New York and ranked my regional preferences. I wanted to work somewhere in Manhattan, preferably Harlem. I was also willing to work in Brooklyn. I did not feel safe working at a low performing school in the Bronx thus, I did not rank it as a top choice. It was a last choice, only included on my preference ranking survey because it had to be. Flexibility is an issue with any organization, but I was assured by the people I talked to at TFA that my choice was important. They hadn't let me down before - I'd been placed in the New York corps, my top choice. I trusted them.

I started student teaching in the spring. I became certified to teach in Texas and delved into my life of grading, lesson planning, and collapsing at midnight amidst unfinished paperwork. I had to get fingerprints made, observations done, and kept getting more and more mail about money and materials I would need for the approaching TFA induction and institute. My goal was getting expensive and everything was uncertain. All dates were tentative. I was guaranteed a job, but not necessarily one by the beginning of the school year when I was supposed to already be living in New York. If I didn't have a source of income, how was I supposed to live in one of the most expensive cities in America? Oh, TFA had financial aid...that would give me a smidgen of a grant and then a loan. You know, a new, pricey companion to all my student loans.

I kept the faith, though. TFA draws some of America's top college graduates into its ranks each year. It also boasts connections to good graduate school programs and allows members to defer student loans. It is an overachiever's wet dream. I am an overachiever.

Then I got this email from TFA:

Welcome to New York City's Region 1! Our region, located in the Bronx, is the birthplace of famous New Yorkers, including Jennifer Lopez, Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs, and Colin Powell. We are also home to more New York corps members than any other region.

That's great, but the South Bronx is known for more than shitty musicians. It is home of some of the most notoriously dangerous and failing schools in America. I realized that I was supposed to want to "change things" and channel all my optimism, education, and energy into a needy school, but I wouldn't feel safe in most schools in the Bronx. And that was that.

I got my disappointing regional placement before most TFA members, because TFA had already lined up a job interview for me. It's great that I could have had a job that early. It's not great that it wasn't where I felt comfortable working. I feel I was placed somewhere with total disregard for my regional preferences, because I was exceptionally employable. Especially among a bunch of overachievers with no experience teaching.

When I called TFA to express dissatisfaction with my placement, I was told that nothing could be done about it. The Bronx needed me and I would become comfortable there over time. I also might get comfortable filing police reports and compromising my safety and morale by returning to some razor wire surrounded school/prison each day. I wasn't going to find out.

I dropped out of Teach for America before I could be placed in a school where I didn't want to work and unsupported by an organization that would tell me a school's failings were mine. TFA (ha! more like TFU) asked if I wanted to defer my membership another year; I opted not to. No one chased after me. There were plenty of other overachievers needing jobs.